We’ve all been there. That moment. Something triggers you and you actually look at your life and see that it’s not all you wanted or even anticipated for yourself. Somehow you’re suddenly aware of it all and you feel stuck. Like you have no choice but to be exactly where you are, doing exactly what you’re doing, even though it makes you miserable or drained. Feeling inside and out that you’re stuck and wondering, “how the hell did I get here?”
The good news is you’re not alone. The even better news is that you have the power to make the shifts and changes needed to create the real life you want.
As someone who has felt stuck in my own life at times, from jobs to relationships to depletion, to anxiety, laziness and much more; I have had to do some serious soul-searching to see what it was I actually wanted vs. what I was currently doing. It was a deep dive into my soul, and it was necessary but hard. I knew deep down that if I had stayed on the path I was going on, I would have ended up on medications for anxiety and back pain, hospitalized with some type of sickness from stress and in a bad relationship with a person who did not honor me.
My stuck-ness was coming from a place of value. And, it was solely and purely based on the fact that I did not value me. My life revolved around other people, and I made choices for their best interest but never mine. The minute I chose to open up to my value and my wants in life was when everything changed.
If you want to make real life changes, you have to be willing to open your awareness to see you actually have choices and your life needs to matter most to you – that is the place where change awakens.
The part of any person that feels stuck can come from a variety of places. It’s not always necessary to find out where it comes from, but to actually look at your life and see what you want now, just for you, and why you’re blocking it from being part of your every day life.
When I went through my own battles and demons of doing everything for everyone else but myself it was because I had never given myself permission to actually take ownership of what I wanted in my life. I was never stuck. It was me. I was the one telling myself and making myself feel like I had no choices.
The reality is none of us are ever actually stuck in anything. It’s your choice to be exactly where you are, and you have been the one to put yourself where you are. In order to start unraveling the patterns and make true life changes for yourself, I strongly recommend this exercise to get true and deep into your own heart:
The Quest Exercise: the word “Question” has the word “Quest” in it, so start being part of your own quest to make true life change, with this exercise. Grab a pen and paper. Light a candle and grab a blanket to cozy up with yourself. Give yourself at least 30 minutes to really connect inside and begin your quest for change.
At the top of your paper, write “My Quest to Live the Life I Love” and begin answering these questions:
– Where do I feel stuck right now?
– Why do I believe I am stuck?
– What would I really like to feel in my life right now?
– What do I actually want?
– From the deepest part of my heart, what do I seek?
– What is something I can do today to start the quest I seek?
– Do I say no enough? Am I saying no too much?
– What am I scared of?
– Why do I believe I need to be scared?
– What do I want to release or give up?
– Do I know my boundaries?
– What am I willing to sacrifice?
– What am I not willing to sacrifice?
– How do I want to feel every day?
– Where can I give myself permission to feel that every day?
Now that you have your writing, make a list of what you can do every day and every week to keep yourself accountable to you. What is one thing you will do every day and every week to begin tapping into this change you seek?
In my work with clients, many times, they come to me feeling unhappy and stuck; yet they want to blame everyone and everything else, but themselves. The reality check, for each of them and all of us as human beings, is that we all have choices and healing that comes along with it. The patterns shift and change when you change. You are the only one who can value yourself enough to make true change. It begins and ends with you. This is your life and it’s up to you to love yourself enough to believe you’re worth it. I do.